Fly
by Rae Seddon
Summary: How they came to be sharing a ferris wheel compartment after spending the better part of the year ignoring each other was a fair question. LilySnape oneshot.


Author's Note: I'm not at all happy with how this ended, but since one-shots usually don't spend more than a day or two unfinished on my computer, I was a little rushed. Still really wanted to post it though.

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How exactly they came to be sharing a ferris wheel compartment after spending the better part of the year pointedly ignoring each others existence was a fair question. It was an exceptionally dry summer, and even high above the world, the sound of crunching grass carried up to them, buried under retreating laughter as families followed the sun down and away.

He had grown, she noticed, in the times she couldn't avoid looking at him to turn and look out the other window. His hair was a little past shoulder length, perfectly straight and shinning a little in the failing sun. He was dressed lighter than she was used to seeing him, in a pale grey and green button up shirt and breezy dark slacks. He was trying just as desperately to avoid her gaze as she was his, so his dark eyes were invisible, but she could guess at the discomfort they would display.

It had been a lark to come to the carnival with Petunia, just something to do on a rare day when the two girls were on speaking terms. Lily hadn't really wanted to go, but after a go on the teacups and a wander through the vendors for two whopping sticks of cotton candy, dizzy from the rides and giddy with sugar, she knew they had needed to do it.

He was the last person she had wanted or expected to see but only registered it was too late when, involuntarily, she called out to him through a loose crowd.

"Sev, is that you?" she held her hand to her mouth as soon as the words had left, wishing that she'd gotten better marks on Vanishing potions the previous year. He turned instantly at her call, and for a moment they were caught in each other's eyes for the first time in months.

"Let's...let's go, Lily," Petunia urged. "I wanna go on the carousel. Lily?"

"Go ahead, Tuney, I'll catch up," the words came soft, almost trance-like.

Petunia glared at the tall young man through the crowd, an acid stronger than any venom seeping into her features, and she stalked off.

"Lily, what a surprise," Severus said, "how's your summer been?"

"Quiet. How about yours, what are you doing here?"

In an instant she knew what he was doing there, for behind a curtain of dark hair she could make out the edge of a bruised eye.

"Needed to get out for a bit...it's the last day after all." He motioned to the grounds around them, smiling weakly. Lily's eyes darted quickly around trying desperately to find somewhere they could sit and talk (_Why_ she wondered _it's not like you've so much looked his way since..._)

She motioned to the queue for the ferris wheel.

"It's not a broom but..." she tried to return the painfully small smile he had given her, but shame killed it. She looked away, surprised when equally ashamed, he joined her in the queue. It was instinct that lead him to helping her into the rocking little compartment, but the touch of her fingers in his strong, pale hand induced a blush bright enough to disguise his bruising eye.

For some time they sat ignoring each other, until, at once--

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

For the first time in a very long time, they laughed softly together, Severus with his elbows resting limply on his knees, his head bowed.

"It's been a strange year, hasn't it?" Lily said, unable to stop smiling.

"Yes, it has." he replied, for the first time since they entered the compartment actually looking at her. She was crying a little through the perpetually gentle smile that lit the rest of her features. The last rays of sun burned off of her long red hair, giving the impression of some Norse goddess, all copper and fire. The sight was so radiant he thought he'd go blind and he nearly withdrew, forgetting it was his best friend reaching out to touch his injured face and not some being of ineffable divinity.

"It hasn't gotten any better, has it?" she asked, a thumb pushing dark locks behind his ear.

"I thought that if I left, she'd _have_ to stop hiding behind me...she's still there. I don't understand, Lily. What makes someone...how can two people be so bad for each other and still..._need_ each other?"

She looked away, the first shadows of encroaching twilight casting blue over her face, hiding the radiance and making the few tears still trailing down her cheeks glimmer.

"I don't know..." she choked, the silent grief of some break deep within her surfacing. "I don't know."

The compartment jolted to a halt at the pinnacle, rising higher than either of them had expected. They could see out over the hills, spot the framework of the little park and imagined two swings swaying empty in a late summer breeze. Slowly, as they watched, evening crept to claim the hills one at a time, pulling it's backdrop over the silent factories and a ribbon of still river that snaked, mostly invisible, at the edge of the horizon. A strange, irreparable dread seized them both as evening swallowed the park. Lily felt a pressure on her hand, glanced down to see that Severus was holding it, squeezing it tightly until the park was completely gone. She squeezed back, grateful at least that he allowed her to wipe away her own tears.

She barely noticed their descent, despite the muffled laughs and little shouts of shock from the muggles around them, who had no idea that a broom could take them five times as high, or that if they wanted too, she and Severus could open the compartment doors, stand up, and walk right out. She didn't want to fly, she didn't think she had it in her, but suddenly the desire to stay that far above the world gripped with the force of a Curse. One last mad attempt to forestall the inevitable jerky plummet back to earth where it would all end.

To his credit, Severus had no such thoughts, or if he did, kept them hidden better than Lily knew she was keeping hers. The fact that he seemed able to read everything about her while she could never penetrate the onyx gates of his eyes was no comfort, even in the growing gloom of the compartment. Right before it was their turn to get out, Severus released her hand. Immediately, she went to grab hold of it again, but he pulled away unexpectedly. He couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze, although her eyes were begging him too.

"It'll be dangerous," he said, almost randomly, "for both of us, here on out."

"Yes it will." She replied, "for everyone."

The compartment brushed solid ground again, and they ducked out. Lily could no longer bear that Severus wouldn't look at her, couldn't so much as touch her.

"Look at me," she said, her voice cracking in despair. "For god's sake Sev, look at me."

She looked up, but he was gone, vanished through the crowd that had surged forward almost as soon as they'd gotten up. Frightened, confused, Lily pushed her way through only to find Petunia waiting where they'd been standing before. Her sister was a once glad to see her but her grin faded when she registered the fear that raged within every emerald facet. And that she'd been crying.

"Lily? What's the mater, Lily?" Petunia asked, putting a short arm around her shoulders. The contact startled Lily. She turned her eyes slowly towards her sister, not quite seeing her but knowing from the weight of her arm that she was there.

"Everything's fine, Tuney..." Lily whispered dully, not believing a word and not caring if Petunia did either. "Fine."


End file.
